HERALD WEEKLY ISSUE 608: 21 March 2012

Lunching out
It was a beautiful, glorious Saturday (if you can call rainy and windy weather beautiful. Lolz) and I was thanking my lucky stars that I wasn’t going to Staircase. I mean, I need a life too, besides cleaning. I had arranged with my good-for-nothing cousins, Anna and Marcie, to take them on a tour around the island. They were fresh off the plane from New Zealand and they weren’t too impressed with our local weather. I just told them to shut up and try to have a good time while they were still with me.
They begged me to take them to town. I agreed because one, they were going to shout me lunch and two, it got me away from cleaning. I wanted to eat first, so I demanded that they feed me before we did anything else. Anna was all for it, but Marcie really wanted to go somewhere else. “Well, have a great time getting lost in town,” I said to her. After that, she just stayed behind Anna and me. I think she was sulking, but I didn’t care. Ana and I were munching out on a barbeque plate (Totally worth Anna’s 10 bucks) while Marcie opted for a fruit juice. Boring.
After cruising around at the market, looking at nothing, just trying to act rich, we jumped in the rental car that Marcie paid for. “Not you, Norma,” she said. “You can walk.” I didn’t know if she was joking or if she was for real. She better have been joking. Anna rode shotgun while I sat at the back by my lonely self. Marcie wanted to see the waterfall, but then she realised that we didn’t have enough petrol to go that far. They had both spent all their money on me (because I am that special. Lolz) and I was like, And I care because? You were the ones who offered.
So we drove back home in a gloomy mood. Me, because I still wasn’t full (Anna ate most of the food), Marcie and Ana because they were broke. Haha, tano. That’s what they get for blaming me. In the end, we just started laughing about it. Marcie had a secret “stash of cash” hidden somewhere in her suitcase. She told me that she’s give me 50 bucks if I tried to take Anna’s bikini off her. At first, I thought it was cruel, but then I thought, 50 bucks on the line, man. So of course, I followed up on Marcie’s demand and hid Ana’s bikini. I soon realised that making that move was a big mistake.
Anna threw the meanest tantrum and she started interrogating Marcie and I. It was scary and funny at the same time. I was trying to hold my laughter inside, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. Out came the laughter and there went my chances of getting an easy fifty dollars. Stupid, stupid, STUPID. -Norma Ngatamariki

Herald Issue 608 21 March
- Terms of one China Policy document should be reviewed
- Pacific Media Assistance Scheme Seeks Innovation
- Successful NZ visit by PM
- Rerekura Teaurere New Climate Change Coordinator
- News Briefs

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