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Herald Issue 412

I was kissing my partner in town the other week and someone walked past us and told us off. When is public displays of affection acceptable?

I think you need to look around. There is very little public displays of affection in this country. If you knew people but not their lives you wouldn’t even know who they were married to because men and their wives are hardly seen together. And when you do see them they aren’t holding hands, or cuddling.
The Cooks also seem to have a focus on respect and dignity probably caused by church influence.
But what can you do when you are in love because you can’t get enough of the other person.
Next time you need to consider your environment before you plunge into oblivion. Ask yourself, is what I am doing appropriate for the time of day and in the current surroundings, is it appropriate in front of a family.
Usually its the younger generation who haven’t got anywhere to go who engage in offensive displays of affection.
Most older people limite their displays of affection to a kiss, cuddle and holding hands. Also, a lot of affection is directed towards the children rather than their partners.
Some countries have laws that restrict how you behave in public. So just judge for yourself in the conservative Cook Islands where you can’t where a bikini through town just how appropriate your behaviour is going to be.

Herald Issue 411

I have been living with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. Lately we seem to argue a lot. Should I move back home? Because when I was living at home and we were dating we never seemed to argue as much.

Well dearie, it appears that the novelty of your relationship has worn off. When you first move into together, because you are in love, you don’t notice when he doesn’t take his plate to the sink after dinner, you don’t notice when he doesn’t help with the housework, you don’t notice when he leaves his clothes all around the house, you don’t notice that he lounges around watching DVDs for most of the day - this is because you are in love. Now its down to reality. Personally, I don’t think you should move back home, you are supposed to be grown up and learning to live independently not rely on mum and dad all the time. Also, living away from home allows you to set up home the way you would like it, have furniture the way you like it, have rules that you set, come and go as you please without having to report to a mum or dad, eat when you want, have friends around. There is just so much more freedom when you are living in your own home. What has happened is that you have both been caught up in love and haven’t really gotten time to know each other. So now its time to make up, you will now need to spend some quality time talking to each other to find out what level of committment you both have towards your relationship. Then you need to ask each other what the other wants in life. If you two are on the same page then you will be alright. If you aren’t you both need to decide whether you could still make it work. In relationships there is a little bit of give and take, you need to support him in his endeavours and he needs to support you. You can both resolve your issues, but you both need to talk and you need to listen to each other.

Herald Issue 410

My husband is infatuated with another woman. What should I do?

Well if he hasn’t slept with her yet then you need to stop the behaviour before it gets out of hand. Even if he’s saying that she is just a friend you have to tell him that you don’t think his behaviour is appropriate and that he is disrespecting you. You need to reign in your husband. Some men are stupid when it comes to women, you’ve heard the expression that they think with their other head. That is why you need to put your foot down and tell him exactly how to behave in the marriage.
Now you need to go to that other woman and tell her to stay away from your husband.
Now you need to relook at your relationship. Marriages aren’t always easy. There’s bound to be bumps here and there. But you need to talk to your husband. Remind him about things that matter like your kids if you have any. Ask him what’s going through his head, is he bored with you or what. Is he unhappy in the relationship.
Then go get a haircut, something different so he’ll notice. Make sure you look hot too. Then say you’re going out. That will get him.

Herald Issue 409

I’m always arguing with my husband. Then I won’t talk to him for a couple of hours. I don’t think I am being unreasonable but he always does things that annoy me . What can I do?

What happens in arguments is couples tend to end up attacking each other instead of solving the issue at hand.
Most couples argue about children, housework, money, work and sex. What you have to do is think back over all your past arguments for recurring issues. When you have identified what these are you need to try to think back to your past to see if there are some things in your past that is causing you to react. For instance, you may not be happy that your partner spends a lot of time with his mates. This may be because your father was always out with his mates and eventually left your mother as a result. Otherwise, if your partner never remembers your birthday or mothers day this could be a sign of a lack of confidence or worth. Else if you are arguing that you always do the housework then it could be that you are suffering from lack of appreciation.
Usually, arguments bring up issues that have been hidden for some time or that have been building up. And you will continue to argue until you bring out those issues.
Sometimes you are argumentative because you are tired, stressed, angry with someone else or at something else, you are hormonal or sick.
It’s important that you understand what kind of role you play during an argument. Are you the peacemaker trying to calm your partner down. Do you use tactics like go silent during the argument. Or do you go all out and give it back to him. Whatever you do its best if you just hear him out then let him know how you feel, try not to raise your voices. Then try to work through a compromise.
If you are unable to calm yourselves down and your argument gets heated then you need to stick to the issue and don’t bring up all the issues from the past. Don’t argue over stupid things like your partner used the wrong word. And don’t use all those words like ‘never, always, should, shouldn’t e.g. you never help me. And then don’t start hurling insults like you’re fat and lazy. You need to think how you frame what you say, so instead of accusing him, tell him how you are feeling. Let him say his piece don’t keep blocking him. But you do need to walk away at some time otherwise you’ll get a hiding.

Herald Issue 408

I read somewhere that men and women want different things from a relationship. I find that hard to believe because my partner wants the same things as I do.

Yes there is research into DNA that suggests that women want a man who will stick around and will help raise the children even if they aren’t planning it at the current time. Women are programmed to look for protection, a sound relationship ,and long term committment before they will turn on the passion. If a man wants to win a woman’s heart he needs to establish a long term relationship with her.
Get this - there are scientific facts to support this - women are only fertile for 24 hours a month, so if she wants to get pregnant, having a long term relationship makes more sense. Mind you men’s sperm are quite smart too - they lay around and wait for that egg for up to 72 hours.
Men on the otherhand are programmed for frequent sex with any willing healthy female with no commitment or problems. Sad huh! The scientific reason for this is that healthy young men make hundreds of millions of sperm a day and so have a strong drive to get to any female egg it can find and share. So men don’t particularly care who they jump on. Men’s bodies absorb all the excess sperm that it can’t give away. But it’s not all this shallow, there are many good men around who will put their DNA programming aside and will love their partner and remain faithful to them.

Herald Issue 412 21 June
- House of Ariki hear the views of Government
- Desperately seeking Obama
- Ui Ariki – Has the Bubble Finally Burst!
- Decision reserved in beachfront case
- Courting disaster
- Marsters stands in for Ioane at Bali Meeting

Herald Issue 411 14 June
- Cabinet ignores petition, approves Sunday flights trial
-Ui Ariki vs House of Ariki – The Challenge Ahead!
- Ui Ariki seeking recognition of their mana with a Proclamation
- Lagoon Day and closing ceremony for Environment Week
-Air New Zealand Fare and Capacity Changes
-50th Wedding Anniversary celebration

Herald Issue 410 07 June
- PM injects Rome meeting with Pacific view
- Another week of fluffy ducks!
- Cook Islands to represent the Pacific on the CBD Bureau
- What is Takitumu Lagoon Day all about?
-Sunday flights to Aitutaki
-Women in Sport presentation to Rotary

HEADLINES: ISSUE 409 31 May 2008
- Prime Minister to attend High-Level Conference on World Food Security
- Budget 2008 – Nothing more but more of less!
- Turning up the heat on Peters
- Takitumu Lagoon Day part of National Environment Week events
-Women host High Court Justice
-The mystical wave of Teahupoo

HEADLINES: ISSUE 408 24 May 2008
- As the DPM tightens the purse strings and reigns in spending, others look for an Economic Summit
-Wake Up PSC: It’s time for change!
- Congratulations, Vaine Maui, Woman of the month of May
- Making no excuses, Tepaki apologises to his workers
- Starting and staying in business
The BTIB shows how
-Aquarius Pacific applies for relief from court judgment

HEADLINES: ISSUE 407 17 May 2008
- Casual attitudes poses potential risks!
-Moves aimed at improving management-Tepaki
- Women Agriculture Ministers launch Network at the UN
- Lady Davis seeks $300,000 from CI Herald
- When the sleeping giant awakes
-Cheaper to mine nodules now

HEADLINES: ISSUE 402 12 April 2008
- Cabinet approvals granted
-“Our Economy – Concern or a Con”
Mr Financial Secretary – What Say Ye!
- Breast cancer campaign raises $23,714
- Denise Rairi found not guilty
- Routine steps to achieving 100% Nio Manea
-Specialist speaks on breast cancer

HEADLINES: ISSUE 401 05 April 2008
- Worrying signs in policy document
- Prime Minister’s Office on Witch Hunt!
- Appointment of the Mauke Environment Authority
- Tanks nearly ready at fish farm
- Defence lawyer wants charges against Denise Rairi struck out
-Tahitian Association seeks members, accommodation
-Suppression order lifted by CJ

HEADLINES: ISSUE 400 29 March 2008
- Silence over the economy - quiet before the storm?
- Kete heads to Mauke, Tom misses out
- Helmets – have we been conned!
- Occupation a factor in partition orders
- National Commission to be set up for UNESCO
- Alternative sources for fresh water