What’s in a number? Plenty if you’re Tony Hole
By Jeane Matenga

Tony Hole, of Upper Tupapa, has the most frustrating job on the island. Every week, he has several opportunities to make his lifelong dream to be the richest man on the island come true. But they just roll away with each drop of the ball.
Yep, Tony plays the lotto along with all the other thousands of registered users on the island. Well not everyone is a frequent punter, dedicated with avid commitment to striking it rich.
The rest of us, the jackpotters, are only lured to his downtown office when numbers like 16.5 Million and 36 Million have our ears ringing and our brains conjuring up images of our dream house, a trip around the world, and new hot wheels.
LANGUAGE
We know that despite Tony being the island’s foremost expert in lotto, he has never struck it big. The most he’s won was $800 twice on a system 8, and his syndicate won $36,000 although there were 35 of them sharing it. Tough, huh! Having to share 36G, that’s a brand new pick up truck.
By the way, I don’t know what a system 8 is. It’s called ‘lotto-speak’, and it’s a language I don’t plan to master as I’m a destiny kind of girl and so if it’s meant to be I will win.
These days you can expect a certain amount of technology to control a process like the lotto, so I tried to see if this Cockney kid had any pickpocket ability like the other kids from London. That is, did he have the capability to rig the system to turn me into an instant millionaire?
Turns out NO! No inkling of hacker ability, nothing! And I was a little disappointed after I scoured the counter beneath his till that there were no guidebooks to hacking either, not even a Dummies guide to Hacking, or Hacking 101.
Perhaps all those years of playing Monopoly and getting the Go to Jail card has left him deeply tormented.
Then there’s all those unclaimed cheques he’s advertising at the moment. It’s funny how no one has come in to pick up their cheques. Perhaps these people have migrated, which seems to be a norm in these parts.
If you want to know where he keeps the cheques I can sell this information to you for a nominal fee. Not that’s it’s going to do you any good. The cheques have other people’s names on them. Even Tony can’t cash in the cheques, nor is he allowed to keep the proceeds if no one claims them.
This business is just one pitfall after another! The unclaimed cheques are valid for a year only. If you don’t pick them up the money stays in Australia – yes that’s right your money, who knows where it goes but it stays in Australia.
Gee, Tattersalls must really like Cook Islanders. They can’t be bothered to collect the $11 cheques. They only want to collect the ones with six zeroes on the back.
I remember about two years ago someone was reported to have won a million dollars. This was our biggest win .
ZIPPED
Now when this happens Tony has lips as tight as a zip lock bag. You wouldn’t think it especially when you see him at Café Salsa on Saturday morning. His mouth is more like a gushing water pipe especially when it’s about his favourite topics in the world – sport, London, (Charles Dickens), Liverpool, The Hole family and weightlifting.
On occasion the members of our table, which is much like King Arthur’s table, try to trick him into disclosing that name, but he endures our badgering.
All you get is that smirk and glint in his eyes that he’s got a secret and he’s really not going to tell. Blimey, maybe it’s all that getting beat around when he was a kid that’s really toughened him up. He won’t even tell his wife either. So don’t bother asking her.
BANK
Aha! But I do know who he does tell … the Bank Manager, although, I don’t know which bank manager.
No doubt there has been a lot of near misses. As for me, I had a near miss of something like six numbers (I was six numbers off) – luck is not on my side, I think I am destined to slog it out at the Pitt Media Group.
But I bet you didn’t know that someone got 7 out 8 numbers (3x) in Keno in the week after Xmas. Yep but he only won $4,000. If he got 8 out of 8, he would have won $82,500. I guess $4000 is better than nothing.
And guess what? I know who it is but I’m not telling. Now I have a secret!
PS. The next Superdraw closes on February 16th 2007 for $21 Million. Fingers crossed that I’ll get lucky.

Headlines : Times 184 22 Jan 2007
- Cooks storm way to world
- PM lays on sunshine for FBI
- PLEASE, SOMEONE GIVE AN ANSWER
- What’s in a number? Plenty if you’re Tony Hole
- SHAPE UP OR YOU’RE OUT
- Feasibility study may cost $40,000
- Peace Island, Police praise behaviour
- 3 keys to a happy 21st
- Letter to the Editor: From Holland to Amuri: Thank you
- Willie John reports: Funding elusive for environment projects

Headlines : Times 183 15 Jan 2007
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- Nikao firm to do $700,000 fix up
- Super supremo’s Cooks connection
- Pig farmers look at Best Practice to save lagoon
- Test lab proposal awaits action
- Want to see Malaga? See Engara Gosselin
- Narayan to go to Taipei meeting
- Thousands lost when Princess sails away
- Letter to the Editor: Thank you, Rarotonga